Checkin In (Ugh)

I'm so annoyed with myself.

On Friday I was eating great.  Oatmeal with blueberries and honey for breakfast, a wannabe burrito bowl with brown rice, shredded chicken, black beans, and hot sauce with an apple.  And then I had my first shift at my new job (which I love!) as a host/server at one of my favorite restaurants in town.  It's a really laid back kind of place and the people that work there are great.  The customers even aren't that annoying.  So I worked for a couple hours and by the time I got off I was really hungry.  I was determined to be healthy, even turning down some free food (this is the place with those delicious falafels - yeah, I got a job there.  Let's talk about how great a decision that might turn out to be).  And then I walk in the door to find my boyfriend had ordered pepperoni pizza, breadsticks, and cookies from my favorite pizza place!  Ugh.

At first I decided to just have one slice of pizza.  I even let my boyfriend eat my cookie.  I was okay, until the leftover pizza continued to sit on the coffee table.  Then I started to eat it just because it was there.  That's one of my worst habits - eating food just because it happens to be in front of me.  So I had two more slices and two breadsticks with cheese sauce.  Ugh. 

I went to bed without having exercised.  Sigh.  So Friday was a bust.

Yesterday I wanted to do better.  My boyfriend made farina for breakfast (cream of wheat, I think), which I love, so I had some.  He made it with skim milk though, that was nice of him.  : )  Later I was kind of panicking about what I was going to eat.  We're low on fresh veggies and the only fruit we had was a little cubed pineapple and some apples.  I realized I definitely need to do more meal planning so I have enough stuff around to make meals with. 

So then I remembered that we had a ton of frozen vegetables, leftover queso fresco from burrito bowls a couple days ago and some leftover tortillas.  I made a veggie quesadilla and did half an hour of yoga (burned 125 calories).  I had to go to CVS to get something, and ended up getting a candy bar, one of those king size Twix with the four little bars inside.  I ate it almost without even tasting it.  I had such a bad chocolate craving, and when I left for work and parked downtown, I looked through my purse and found a kit kat bar!  I have no idea where it came from.  But I ate it, too.  (I was wondering why, then remembered it's TOM time)  Then I went to work.  I think my shift last night could definitely have qualified as a workout.  Half the restaurant is upstairs, so of course I was running around all night seating people and cleaning tables.  My heart rate was definitely elevated, haha.

After work I went home.  I was in a good mood.  I had put a lot of cheese on my quesadilla earlier (definitely a little too much) and wanted something else cheesy.  I really just love cheese.  But, I remembered I hadn't had any fruit yet and that there was pineapple in the fridge.  So I ate that, and then a friend called and invited me to a shindig at their place.  I was super excited to go, because I pretty much never go out and I haven't gotten to see those particular friends in a while.  Of course I had a few drinks, stayed the night, and came home this morning to farina, bacon, and eggs.  Can you tell my boyfriend likes to cook breakfast?  :D

So Saturday was still pretty bad, what with the chocolate and booze calories and obvious lack of nutrients.  I've already had a full, fatty breakfast today but I am planning a healthy dinner of salmon, roasted broccoli, and baked french fries.

Aside from the drinks last night, I've been doing good about drinking just water.  And just in case you're interested, Thursday night I did jogging intervals around the track by my house for 40 minutes (including a warm up and cool down) and burned 472 calories according to my heart rate monitor.  So I've burned about 600 calories in the last four days.  Definitely need to be moving more.  And need to be doing more meal planning, too.

The end of the semester is so close.  Just a few short weeks away, and I'll be a graduate.  It's kind of weird to think about.  I'm almost sad - I really love learning and there are so many interesting new classes being offered next semester.  I have to start making some serious decision about my career path, and I'm feeling extremely uncertain about everything.  I'm glad I have this challenge to keep me focused on something.

Until we meet again, here's a link to an article about how a nutrition professor lost weight eating little more than Little Debbie cakes.  Very interesting.

The "Twinkie Diet"

I can't move...

...because I RAN A MILE yesterday!  In parts, admittedly, BUT HOLY CRAP A WHOLE MILE.  I did the first half a mile straight through before I had to stop and walk (remember that bra/breathing/knee problem thing?  yeah).  And then I would walk at a fast pace for a song or so then run two tenths of a mile, walk again, run again, walk again, run again.  I was on the treadmill for a total of 35 minutes.  I have no idea how many calories I burned, but to be honest I really don't care.  I'm just so damn proud of myself.  I can't wait until I'm able to do a mile straight through.  And then two miles!  And then maybe a 5K, *squee*!  I have never, ever been able to run a mile.  I remember being humiliated in middle school because they made us do it and I was the last kid off the track and walked most of it.  It took me over fifteen minutes or something ridiculous like that.  Now I obviously am much slower than that now (I was running at just under 5mph last night) but I can't wait to get stronger and faster and be able to run longer distances.  I'd say "HA, I TOLD you I'd be a runner", but you guys never doubted me.  I only ever doubted myself.  Well I am no longer giving power to my doubt, as Honore de Balzac would be thrilled to know.

I'm also proud of myself because of why I went running.  For some reason in the middle of the afternoon yesterday I just got really depressed.  I had accidentally eaten a lot of chocolate and candy yesterday without realizing it.  I was angry with myself, and then the weird sudden depression on top of it was really making me feel like crap.  I was tired, had to do laundry, and just wanted to crawl into bed and hide from knowing I'd have to post about it here.  But instead, I changed my attitude.  Remember how I said attitude is everything?  I thought to myself "You feel like crap. You want to go to bed.  Instead, go run a mile.  Don't let your mistaken preconceptions stop you.  The only thing stopping you is you.  Go run a mile. You can do it!"

And I did it.  And I feel great.  Today, I've been so pumped up by my success last night that I have eaten healthy all day because I wanted to, not because I thought I needed to.  I had a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, carrots with dressing and grapes as lunch, turkey and cheese roll-up as a snack, steamed salmon and broccoli with a cheesy baked potato for dinner, and two cookies for dessert.  I'll probably have a banana as a snack later.  By my count that's a serving of whole grains, three servings of dairy, two servings of protein, three servings of veggies, and three servings of fruit (I had two cups of grapes). 

I did yoga when I woke up this morning and if I wasn't so sore from running I'd go for a walk.  But today I'm going to take a short break from the exercise, plan out my day tomorrow, and relax knowing that I am awesome and capable of doing anything, making whatever changes I want to.

I feel so damn good.



PS:  Can anybody give me good suggestions for running socks?  Mine gave me blisters last night.  :(

Adios February! / On Running

February always seems to be the worst month for me.  Unfailingly, I get sick at least twice and this year has been no exception.  As soon as I got over that flu thing, I was okay for a few days and then came down with a nasty cold.  A week+  later, I'm finally feeling better - well enough, in fact, that I went to the gym last night!  (Finally.)

Because my gym is located on campus/owned by my university, it is constantly super busy.  And because our Spring Break is next week, it's even busier.  Last night my boyfriend and I drove around the parking lot for fifteen minutes trying to find a spot to park before we finally went and parked somewhere else and just walked back.  Because so many people use that gym you have to sign up for 30 minute time slots to use any of the treadmills or ellipticals - and you can't just hope to go to the gym and get a time slot soon after you get there.  The best way to do it is get over there in the middle of the day, sign up for a slot or two for later in the evening, and then go home and come back a few hours later (I'm serious).  I usually just wait for somebody to get off a stationary bike and ride that, but since you don't have to sign up for a time slot you can stay on bikes as long as you like, which means the wait can be long.  So I gave up and did some jogging intervals around the track.

I have several issues when it comes to running/jogging, and I'm sure overweight women everywhere will understand.

• The bra problem.  Although my size is 38D, I'm really like a D.5 - not a D but not quite a DD.  No bra really fits and in order to run I have to wear two of the stretchy sports variety.  I did find a nice bra from Victoria's Secret that I can wear alone, but again, it doesn't fit quite right.   
• The breathing problem.  Thanks to my problematic boobies, the double-bra scenario causes my ribcage to be so constricted that I can't take a deep breath, which is pretty necessary while running.  The Victoria's Secret bra helps, but not much.  Y'know, it's 2011 - scientists should really have invented anti-gravity bras by now.  My tee-tahs need to float, dammit!
• The knee problem.  With this one, I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Jogging makes my bad knee (the right one) hurt really bad.  I usually end a jogging segment when my knee starts twinging (or I stop being able to breathe enough, whichever comes first).  However, consistent exercise makes my knee hurt less.  So I have to do what makes my knee hurt to allow it to feel better, and some days I'd rather just put up with the aches than do the running.
• The preconception problem.  I have never considered myself even remotely capable of being a runner.  That activity has always just been closed off to me.   I can ride a bike, walk pretty fast, and I like to play a few sports, but I do not run.  Erika does not run.  So when I get on the track and start running, I've already defeated myself with this years-old preconception that I simply cannot do it, and that's that.  

In my last post, I broke down some emotional preconceptions I had about myself - if you haven't read that post, please do.  I know it's long, but I think it's important that anyone who reads this blog understands the place I've come from.  

After mulling over the things I discussed last time and saying some things I needed to say to certain people, I feel refreshed and ready to break down the preconceptions of what I physically can and can't do.  I'm going to start with this running thing.  I can be a runner.  As my grandma used to tell me, I can do whatever I set my mind to.   I'm setting my mind to this now:  I can be a runner.  I will be a runner.  It won't be easy, and with the continued lack of anti-gravity bras it may not be comfortable, but I want to be able to run a mile without feeling the need to vomit or pass out and I want that to happen sooner rather than later.  

So stay tuned for updates.  : )