Still Recovering

On Sunday, I was forced to go to the doctor by the most severe sore throat I have ever experienced.  I couldn't eat, drink, swallow, or sleep for three days.  What I thought was a cold had become much worse.  The doctor tested me for strep and I had to wait three more days (although thankfully with pain medicine) before the test came back positive.  Apparently it wasn't a common strain?  Whatever.  I'm finally on antiobiotics and just today I have been able to fucntion without the pain medicine.  I used to get strep throat all the time as a kid - at least three times a year, if not four or five, but I have definitely forgotten how bad it is.  I'm still having some trouble with swallowing and I can't open my mouth very widely, but I'm just thankful I'm feeling better.

I was hoping I could get back in the gym yesterday, but since I'm still recovering I'm putting gymtime off until Saturday.  In the meantime, I've been working on what I can control - healthy eating.  I've been making a point to eat my fruit and veggies.  I haven't had any problems remembering to drink water since it helps my throat so much.  Oh, and I weighed myself the other day - I don't weigh 210 at all, I weigh 205!  Originally I wanted to be able to run a mile before I graduate college at the end of next month, but that won't happen since I haven't been able to go running lately.  Instead, I'd like to be under 200 pounds, which is so feasible it's not even funny.  While this blog is not focused on weight loss numbers, just seeing my weight as 1-- would be...incredible.  Mind blowing.  I would be elated.  I graduated high school weighing just under 190, so if I could graduate college weighing just under 200 then I wouldn't feel nearly as bad about the twenty pounds I've been putting on and off for the last four years.  It would be a great psychological boost and a reason to continue my efforts over what is going to be one of my most chaotic summers yet. 

I was thinking the other day about the balance between my go time, when I'm busy doing class or homework or other things, and my down time, when I want to relax.  I've realized that if I went to the gym as often as my body wants to, I will have no down time whatsoever.  No time to just sit around and let my mind be calm.  So I've been thinking of ways to have active down time, ways I can get exercise that lets my mind be calm.  See, usually when I'm exercising I'm doing a lot of weight loss/healthy living thinking.  My brain is running pretty much constantly, and I really need the mental blankness of relaxation to recharge.  Since the weather is getting warmer I've been thinking that I'll start going on walks without my iPod.  I have always loved going for walks, but when I listen to my iPod my brain tunes out the world and then all I can hear is the barrage of my own thoughts.  That's bad for mental down time.  When I walk without my iPod, I'm much more inclined to actually listen to the world around me, to let my mind be still and just hear the sounds.  Going on iPodless walks is probably safer, too.  Nobody likes being hit by a bus. 

Okay, well I have to go to class now.  I'm hoping that I can snag a nap when I get home.  Too bad I can't exercise in my sleep...

Sick Again

This is kind of ridiculous.  This is the third time in the past six weeks I've been sick.  I would go to the doctor, but I don't have money to pay for my insurance deductible if I had to get prescription meds.  : (   I think the best thing I can do for myself after I get over this cold is to get back in the gym, get back to eating healthfully, and get back to loving myself.  Because I haven't been able to work out much lately, I've definitely gained some weight.  I'm probably back up around 210.  Although I haven't weighed myself out of fear of the number (which, yes, I realize is silly), I'm already having a lot of negative thoughts about myself because of the gain.  So today I read through some of my past posts here, posted when I was feeling very motivated, and am trying to get back into the same headspace.  If I can do that now while I'm still sick then I can hit the ground running (literally) when I feel better and my gym opens back up (it was closed for Spring Break). 

So here's a question for my lovely readers:  When you fall off plan, are you motivated more by reading other blogs or reading your own from when you were on plan? 

Reading other blogs definitely gives me hope, but reading old posts from when I was doing things right makes me have faith that I can get back to the place again.  Hmm...

Well, it's time for me to take some more medicine.  Here's hoping that I will feel better soon and can get running again.  Have a beautiful day!