The Sweet Spot

I've come to realize something over the past couple of days spent at home, bored, waiting to be called for a job and hoping to not be called by the credit card people.  I've been feeling down lately about this whole weight loss thing.  Looking at my past "performance", so to speak, all I was seeing was that I lost a few pounds, gained it all (or more) back, lost it again, gained it back, lost a little more, gained, and so on and so forth.  I was thinking, "Why am I doing this?  Why do I try again every day or week just to have the same cycle of loss and gain happen?"  I chided myself for not working out enough, for being lax in my eating, for not wanting it enough to make it happen faster.

But I've come to realize that I have made a difference in my life.  I've lost nearly fifteen pounds since this time last summer, and I know in the deepest part of my heart and mind that I will never go back to 216.  I won't let that happen.  It really just is not an option in my head.  This morning I weighed in at 202.5, and got upset because I was hoping to be back to 201.5.  But the number doesn't matter.  The loss matters.  The fact that even when life had gotten to be too much and my old habits took over I was still able to recover, to take the weight back off (and in a pretty timely manner, I think). 

Of course I'm going to gain weight back sometimes.  Shit happens.  But what I want, what I started this new blog for, is to change the way I think about my weight.  To address the underlying emotional issues, to find that sweet spot where eating and life, with all its shit, are in balance.  And that's what I've done.  That's the difference I've made.  The number doesn't matter.  What matters is that I now eat about five servings of fruits more per week than I did last summer.   That I eat about six or seven more servings of veggies per week than I used to.  That I have kept my weight off (save for those five pounds of wiggle room), and that I have changed my habits.  While I still feel the need to seek out less-than-healthy food when I'm upset, I'm now able to limit my intake to one cookie or such.  Yesterday, when I was so, so emotionally wrecked, the worst thing I ate was a falafel from work.  And I even had intentions of going home to make something healthy, but was starving and already downtown so I decided it was okay.  Because that's life.  Give and take. 

I am not a failure.  I'm a success.  I'm doing this, as slowly as I need to so that my habits can fall in line with the way I want to live my life.  I am making changes every day.   And if I only lose fifteen pounds by the next summer, then so be it, because I can guarantee that my mind and my response to food will be completely different.

I think I've found my life's sweet spot.  And now that I see it, I couldn't be happier to be here.

So here's to my success, to your success, and to all of us doing this together.  Because I know I couldn't have made it here without your support and friendship, and I won't be able to keep going without you either.  I once thought I didn't need this community, and I have never been more wrong about anything in my entire life.

I promise to be more present and supportive to all of you like you have been for me.  And I want to thank you for being the biggest part of my success.  : )

Have a beautiful day, everyone.  <3

And so it begins...the Summer Lovin' Challenge

Gooooood morning, lovely ladies!  Since I last checked, I have a new follower for a total of 8!  Hello hello, I hope like my little blog.  : )

Today marks the beginning of Alexia's Summer Lovin' Challenge, a two-part, eight-week, healthy-habit-establishing endeavour sure to rock my socks off!  Er, well it would...if I ever wore socks...  Anyway, there's two parts to this post, so read it when you're home from work/class and have all the time in the world to listen to me!  Teehee.

Part One: The Plan

So here's my plan for this thing.  I'm not using a caloric cap (how will she ever lose weight?! you may be asking).  Instead, I'm focusing on eating the right amount of properly portioned servings of healthy foods.  Fruits, veggies, whole grains, lean protein, and a little dairy thrown in for kicks.

Sidenote: If you have no idea what a proper portion size is, like me a few months ago, check out Mayo Clinic's website. They have a literal asston of information on healthy living and active lifestyles.  

The Food: A while back, I did one of their free assessments that tells you what you should be eating to lose weight and gives you a personalized food pyramid.  Swanky!  My food pyramid says that I should be eating 3 servings of fruit, 4 servings of veggies, 4 servings of carbs, 3 servings of protein/dairy, 3 servings healthy fats, and up to 75 calories in sweets.

The Treat: I know that it's pretty much impossible to do anything 100%, 100% of the time.  I also know that I need a treat every once in a while to keep myself from going off track (aka, running away from it as fast as I can).  I just got a job, HALLELUJAH, at one of my favorite restaurants in town.  They serve Greek and American food, and have the best.damn.falafels I have ever had.  So, once a week, I'm going to treat myself to a falafel sandwich.  If I've been really, really good that week I might even have some fries.  If that doesn't sound like much of a treat to you, you have no idea how good these things are.  I would much rather have one of these falafels than ice cream, or even chocolate!  I'll be looking forward to it every week, that's for sure. 

The Beverage:  Only water or tea.  No soda, sugary iced tea, or sugary fruit juices.  I may have a glass of skim milk every once in a while or some Crystal Lighty kind of thing, but mostly it's gonna be water.  Water, agua, H20.

The Exercise: My goal is to do something that makes me sweat for thirty minutes each day.  That's a great healthy habit to establish.  This exercise could be running, biking, yoga, walking at a fast pace, practicing bellydance, or doing a strength/cardio circuit.  Just gotta get my sweat on.

The Evaluation:  I'm going to record each day how I've progressed toward my goals in my handy daily planner.  Every Wednesday, I'm going to recap the week and determine whether or not I get fries with my falafel.  Let's say if I have 6-7 perfect days out of 7, I get fries.  If I have 3-6 perfect days, I just get the falafel.  If I have less than 3 perfect days, I don't even get the falafel.   That would be a sad week indeed.  Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Also, I'm not going to be doing weigh-ins every week.  I find that if I do stuff like that, I get way too focused on the scale.  I want to establish healthy habits that will lead to a healthy weight, not the other way around.  I will post my starting weight and will weigh at the end of each phase to see how I did.  However, I will take and post body measurements each week.  Then I can see where the weight is coming off. 


Part Two:  The Starting Stats

We're all starting somewhere, right?  This morning I weighed myself (after waking and peeing, before eating), took my starting measurements, and "before" pictures.

Starting Weight: 208.  This is actually what I weighed when I started my first blog in January of last year.  I'd be sad, but I weighed 216 last summer.  At least I'm not there anymore. 

I know what 208 feels like.  But to be honest, I never thought it looked like this... 

Starting Pictures:

 

 So I'll take new pictures at the end of the Challenge.  Hopefully ones I'm not shocked to look at.  : /

Starting Measurements: Taken in inches, by myself.  I'm not worrying about accuracy, I took a Bioanthropology class last semester that taught me how to take proper anthropometric measurements.  

Mid-Upper Arm:  13.75
Bust: 43.5
Chest (like bra band): 37.5
Waist: 39.5
Hips: 46
Butt: 44.5
Thigh: 24.5


Annnd now I've made myself late for class, so I gotta cut this short.  But I am having a fruit smoothie for breakfast - two servings of fruit down!  See you tomorrow!

Still Recovering

On Sunday, I was forced to go to the doctor by the most severe sore throat I have ever experienced.  I couldn't eat, drink, swallow, or sleep for three days.  What I thought was a cold had become much worse.  The doctor tested me for strep and I had to wait three more days (although thankfully with pain medicine) before the test came back positive.  Apparently it wasn't a common strain?  Whatever.  I'm finally on antiobiotics and just today I have been able to fucntion without the pain medicine.  I used to get strep throat all the time as a kid - at least three times a year, if not four or five, but I have definitely forgotten how bad it is.  I'm still having some trouble with swallowing and I can't open my mouth very widely, but I'm just thankful I'm feeling better.

I was hoping I could get back in the gym yesterday, but since I'm still recovering I'm putting gymtime off until Saturday.  In the meantime, I've been working on what I can control - healthy eating.  I've been making a point to eat my fruit and veggies.  I haven't had any problems remembering to drink water since it helps my throat so much.  Oh, and I weighed myself the other day - I don't weigh 210 at all, I weigh 205!  Originally I wanted to be able to run a mile before I graduate college at the end of next month, but that won't happen since I haven't been able to go running lately.  Instead, I'd like to be under 200 pounds, which is so feasible it's not even funny.  While this blog is not focused on weight loss numbers, just seeing my weight as 1-- would be...incredible.  Mind blowing.  I would be elated.  I graduated high school weighing just under 190, so if I could graduate college weighing just under 200 then I wouldn't feel nearly as bad about the twenty pounds I've been putting on and off for the last four years.  It would be a great psychological boost and a reason to continue my efforts over what is going to be one of my most chaotic summers yet. 

I was thinking the other day about the balance between my go time, when I'm busy doing class or homework or other things, and my down time, when I want to relax.  I've realized that if I went to the gym as often as my body wants to, I will have no down time whatsoever.  No time to just sit around and let my mind be calm.  So I've been thinking of ways to have active down time, ways I can get exercise that lets my mind be calm.  See, usually when I'm exercising I'm doing a lot of weight loss/healthy living thinking.  My brain is running pretty much constantly, and I really need the mental blankness of relaxation to recharge.  Since the weather is getting warmer I've been thinking that I'll start going on walks without my iPod.  I have always loved going for walks, but when I listen to my iPod my brain tunes out the world and then all I can hear is the barrage of my own thoughts.  That's bad for mental down time.  When I walk without my iPod, I'm much more inclined to actually listen to the world around me, to let my mind be still and just hear the sounds.  Going on iPodless walks is probably safer, too.  Nobody likes being hit by a bus. 

Okay, well I have to go to class now.  I'm hoping that I can snag a nap when I get home.  Too bad I can't exercise in my sleep...