It Just Took a Choice

Over the past few days, I've been fighting some serious depression.  I've been extremely overwhelmed by being in Kentucky with little income, no friends, and no way to accomplish what I want.  If I didn't have my boyfriend to talk to, I would honestly be a lump in my bed made soggy by all the tears I've cried recently.  I know that sounds a little dramatic, but it's true.  Even at a distance, I'm lucky to have him.  I need to stop making assumptions about him.  My general life experiences have led me to expect the worst from people, and I seem to forget that he's not just any person in my life - he's my boyfriend, he loves me, and he wants to help me.  I nervously and anxiously asked him if I could stay with him in Bloomington, but made sure he knew I wouldn't be able to contribute toward rent, utilities...anything, really.  My income is that low right now.  But he still said yes, when I expected him to say no.  Because he loves me and wants to help me.  So now that I have a place to stay in the town where I want to live, I've asked for a transfer at work from my store to the Bloomington store.  It'll take a few weeks, but I'm confident it'll happen because I'm a good server and I'm sure much of the Btown staff has limited hours because of school being on again. 

SO.  I'm happier today.  I woke up depressed, but I made a choice to leave my depression in bed and continue my day without it.  I made myself a (relatively) healthy breakfast, and now I'm going to get some exercise.  I'm thinking yoga and maybe some weights exercises to rebuild strength in my legs and therefore help my knee.  The healthier my knee is, the more bellydancing I can do, and there is no activity on earth that makes me happier or keeps up my optimism and self-worth more than dancing.

I have to admit, making that choice was hard.  I know the last post I made was about not eating crap and getting exercise, but I haven't done it yet.  I've sort of been mentally working up to it, I think, working on accepting the idea of change (even if it is a small change).  But today I'm ready to go.  There's no point in lamenting over my eating this past week or worrying about whether I'll be able to keep exercising and eating right in the days to come.  My choices on this day matter, in the time between waking and sleeping.  Nothing else. 

Simple and easy, just the way I like it. 


  1. Im so glad things are looking up! and that you have an activity you enjoy.I know im just a girl you know from a blog but I would be more than happy to talk if you ever need to :)

  2. I'm glad things are looking up for you, being depressed is no way to be! Glad you posted, I've missed it!

  3. Depression is hard, but knowing you are depressed is the only way you will get out of it. Erika, you are a strong lady.

    Good job making your choice today, and make it tomorrow. Remember to reach out- to anyone, about anything on your mind- and you will be surprised at the relief you feel. Its when we cut ourselves off we get worse, and its when we open up we can heal.

    Been there, done that. :)


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