The Summer Lovin' Challenge / The Puppet Master

So, my dear and lovely readers, hello!  There are seven of you now!  When I saw it the other day I nearly fainted.  SEVEN people in the world want to hear what I have to say.  I love it.  A big hello to the newbies, and I hope I don't let you down. 


That being said, let's talk about the Summer Lovin' Challenge, the brainchild of the beautiful and engaging Alexia over at Dimple Snatcher.  Alexia blogs about healthy, balanced living (no wonder I like her so much...) and has been a great inspiration to me in my times of difficulty.  I believe we started blogging around the same time, and have both come to the conclusion that the numbers game just doesn't work - that weight loss is, as she puts it, a "byproduct of healthy living".  You can read about her philosophy here. 

So the Summer Lovin' Challenge is an eight-week beast in which we are all vowing to establish healthy habits.  We are starting on Wednesday (yes, in two days) and will update about our challenge progress every Wednesday for four weeks, evaluate our progress and make the necessary changes, and then continue for another four weeks.  Click the Summer Lovin' Challenge link to read the details (and follow Dimple Snatcher!) and then get on board! 

I'm thrilled about this, kids.  It could not have come at a more perfect time.  This past week has been rough for me.  I don't know if my boyfriend reads this or not...but I'm going to go ahead and explain things anyway.  A few months ago, we decided we would break up at the end of summer.  I was okay with it as we were both on the same page.  I thought I knew what I wanted, and a long distance relationship certainly wasn't a part of it.  But then after all that shit with my mom went down, I realized how important our relationship has been to me.  How important he has been to my happiness.  But, I can't stay in Indiana.  I have the opportunity to get out, and for my own sake I have to take it.  Even so, I decided I wanted to do the long distance thing.  We've done it before and always made it through okay.  I suggested it, and he said no.  I completely understand and respect the reasons why he doesn't want to, but still...now that all I want is to stay together and he wants to call it quits, I've been experiencing some emotional backlash.  It has, of course, been making me eat terribly. 

And you know, it's funny.  I always think I have things settled in what I like to believe is my reasonable and sane mind, so I never connect emotional pain with overeating while I'm overeating.  It's only after I feel tired and sick after days of eating the worst food that I finally see why it started:  because I'm hurting.  And sometimes, when you just have to tough it out and feel the hurt until it just stops hurting, those are the times I really struggle with making healthy changes.  The pain is there, just out of sight, controlling me - a puppet master manipulating the self-unaware marionette of bad decisions that I become.

So my most important personal goal for the Summer Lovin' Challenge is awareness, current and preemptive.  Current awareness in that I want to be aware of each piece of food I put in my mouth, how it will make me feel physically, how it will make me feel emotionally.  Preemptive awareness in being mindful of the things I've learned this year:  that I will eat, no matter what, when inside I feel like crying; that doubting my power over my choices only empowers my self-doubt; that I deserve my love and attention just as much as anyone else.  To let those unhealthy habits be present in my mind when my hand brings food to my mouth so that current awareness can kick in and do the rest.

That's all for me today- I've got lots of homework to get to - but I hope you guys will all get over to Dimple Snatcher and join the Summer Lovin' Challenge!  Do it now!