Adios February! / On Running

February always seems to be the worst month for me.  Unfailingly, I get sick at least twice and this year has been no exception.  As soon as I got over that flu thing, I was okay for a few days and then came down with a nasty cold.  A week+  later, I'm finally feeling better - well enough, in fact, that I went to the gym last night!  (Finally.)

Because my gym is located on campus/owned by my university, it is constantly super busy.  And because our Spring Break is next week, it's even busier.  Last night my boyfriend and I drove around the parking lot for fifteen minutes trying to find a spot to park before we finally went and parked somewhere else and just walked back.  Because so many people use that gym you have to sign up for 30 minute time slots to use any of the treadmills or ellipticals - and you can't just hope to go to the gym and get a time slot soon after you get there.  The best way to do it is get over there in the middle of the day, sign up for a slot or two for later in the evening, and then go home and come back a few hours later (I'm serious).  I usually just wait for somebody to get off a stationary bike and ride that, but since you don't have to sign up for a time slot you can stay on bikes as long as you like, which means the wait can be long.  So I gave up and did some jogging intervals around the track.

I have several issues when it comes to running/jogging, and I'm sure overweight women everywhere will understand.

• The bra problem.  Although my size is 38D, I'm really like a D.5 - not a D but not quite a DD.  No bra really fits and in order to run I have to wear two of the stretchy sports variety.  I did find a nice bra from Victoria's Secret that I can wear alone, but again, it doesn't fit quite right.   
• The breathing problem.  Thanks to my problematic boobies, the double-bra scenario causes my ribcage to be so constricted that I can't take a deep breath, which is pretty necessary while running.  The Victoria's Secret bra helps, but not much.  Y'know, it's 2011 - scientists should really have invented anti-gravity bras by now.  My tee-tahs need to float, dammit!
• The knee problem.  With this one, I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Jogging makes my bad knee (the right one) hurt really bad.  I usually end a jogging segment when my knee starts twinging (or I stop being able to breathe enough, whichever comes first).  However, consistent exercise makes my knee hurt less.  So I have to do what makes my knee hurt to allow it to feel better, and some days I'd rather just put up with the aches than do the running.
• The preconception problem.  I have never considered myself even remotely capable of being a runner.  That activity has always just been closed off to me.   I can ride a bike, walk pretty fast, and I like to play a few sports, but I do not run.  Erika does not run.  So when I get on the track and start running, I've already defeated myself with this years-old preconception that I simply cannot do it, and that's that.  

In my last post, I broke down some emotional preconceptions I had about myself - if you haven't read that post, please do.  I know it's long, but I think it's important that anyone who reads this blog understands the place I've come from.  

After mulling over the things I discussed last time and saying some things I needed to say to certain people, I feel refreshed and ready to break down the preconceptions of what I physically can and can't do.  I'm going to start with this running thing.  I can be a runner.  As my grandma used to tell me, I can do whatever I set my mind to.   I'm setting my mind to this now:  I can be a runner.  I will be a runner.  It won't be easy, and with the continued lack of anti-gravity bras it may not be comfortable, but I want to be able to run a mile without feeling the need to vomit or pass out and I want that to happen sooner rather than later.  

So stay tuned for updates.  : )